One of my Favorites June 1, 2008

An excerpt from one of my favorites,Iwas reminded of today:

Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood

Then sing, ye birds, sing, sing a joyous song!
And let the young lambs bound
As to the tabor’s sound!	175
We in thought will join your throng,
Ye that pipe and ye that play,
Ye that through your hearts to-day
Feel the gladness of the May!
What though the radiance which was once so bright	180
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;	185
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,	190
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

 ~ William Wordsworth

On Eagles’ Wings May 6, 2008

They sang one of my favorite hymns (my other I mentioned before is the Prayer of St Francis) today at my AUnt Jo’s funeral:

 

On Eagle’s Wings

 

Words and Music: Michael Joncas

 

Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shal mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,
Who abide in His shadow for life,
Say to the Lord, “My Refuge,
My Rock in Whom I trust.”

 

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

 

The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear;
Under His Wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

 

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

 

You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day,
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.

 

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

 

For to His angels He’s given a command,
To guard you in all of your ways,
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

 

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

 

She looked very peaceful and her life was celebrated today by family and friends and a beautiful sunny perfect day. Her granddaughter got up and spoke which I thought was very brave. I have a couple vivid memories of her as her granddaughters are very close to my age and my mom is very close to her daughter so we spent a good amount of time together as we were growing up. One of them is jsut of her laughing so hard at my cousin who was performing some silly antics in pants that were too small for her and the other is of her dancing with my grandmother to some italian tune at a wedding. They aren’t earth shattering memories but depict her outgoing colorful personality. The priest suggested to us to take memories we have and make them a part of us-not being afraid to have a good time would be something I’d like to make a part of me.

Aunt Jo was the wife of my grandfather’s brother, Salvatore or as we knew him Uncle Tudi (I hope I spelled that right.) He was not only his brother but best friend and passed away long ago of lung cancer. This really was the beginning of my awareness of cancer (I was only a teenager) and he is one of my team’s inspirations to Relay.

One of the things I (in my mind) rebel against at funerals is the tradition of wearing black and dull colors. Maybe this is a little morbid but I think natural to contemplate your own mortality but I want to be the one wearing red at my funeral.  I would really want everyone to dress colorful because life is colorful. I understand it’s a symbol of mourning and a time to grieve but funerals are also a celebration of a life. I would hope the emphasis would be on that.

I hope Aunt Jo rests peacfully and feeling celebrated.

 

Your Apology is Insufficient April 6, 2008

“Your Apology is Insufficient” this is a line I heard on Power Ranger’s (my daughter loves this show.)  I wanted to document this statement and file it away in case I need it in the future.

Side note: in case you’re interested in the Power Ranger’s, currently there are many to choose from, they rival the number of CSI/CIS’s. 

We had everything before us, we had nothing before us February 5, 2008

I was raised in a very close knit, very Italian environment. Although my dad is not italian my mom is 100% and fortunately my dad agreed with most of the traditions that came along with marrying into my mom’s family. It was a wonderful way to grow up, however sometimes I feel like MAYBE I know too much about everyone or I get too involved in personal issues. Most of the time I do not feel that way but once in a while I get overwhelmed. I guess a lot of people do-then-something-a photo, an evening with my family or the following (I found while I was cleaning out my e-mails) reminds me how truly completely blessed I am AND I WOULD NEVER have my family ANY other way. This really puts things we stress about all in perspective:

Written by a family member who like a lot of us, myself included, found themselves in a rough financial situation this past year or so(one of my favorite quotes as well):

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us

I’m quoting these words from Charles Dickens because they are the words that came to my mind last night amidst the warmth and love at Mom’s house.

Yet another Christmas Day at the Pulli’s..noise, chaos, food, confusion, hugs, bright eyes, sadness, excitement, timelessness, exhaustion…all of which are part of the annual celebration….but this year…for me…it was all of that and more.

Admittedly, I was not looking forward to being part of the festivities yesterday….how awkward & embarrassing. I felt almost ‘unworthy’ of my presence there. Christmas just wasn’t Christmas without having gone through the traditions of walking aimlessly in and out of stores…counting down the days and hours left for shopping….stressing over picking out just the right present…feeling that satisfaction of running out of money just as the last store shuts their door on Christmas Eve. What an empty feeling driving over to Moms’ house with a car full of nothing…no anticipation of watching the people you love as they open up what you hope is the perfect gift…and feeling the joy that only giving can produce.

What I forgot was that I am a part of a unit. I forgot that we love each other for who we are…not what we are…

That when it matters most….being in the heart of that unit is what it is all about. There is no gift that is more perfect..no feeling so overwhelming than knowing that you are loved. Regardless of our imperfections…our differences of opinions…our successes our failures…..we are a family unit. I felt that last night possibly more than I ever have…or perhaps it was just so much clearer to me…as I sat and watched what was going on all around the room.

Thank you everyone…for reminding me that it is possible to have everything when you seemingly have nothing….for being an incredible light in a time of darkness. For being..each one of you…a very important part of our family circle.  I am blessed….as we all are to have each other.

Love you all….

To which my mom replied this:

 What a beautiful and elequent note…you say it all for all of us.  There is nothing like family and I know we will continue to stick together through thick and thin no matter what.  Mom and Dad are/were our guiding lights.  We are fortunate to have such a good foundation from which to continue building upon.  Loving and caring is the true meaning of life….everything else pales in comparason. 

Christmas was just as it should be…..all of us being together – whether physically or spiritually. 

Love you, one and all

 I don’t think anyone in my family reads this blog or knows about it-but anyway thank you for all the unconditionl love, wisdom from all ages, endless support and life lessons. Keep them coming!

 

 

In reference to my blog title January 21, 2008

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!

The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,

And you are stay’d for.

There … my blessing with thee!

And these few precepts in thy memory Look thou character.

Give thy thoughts no tongue, Nor any unproportion’d thought his act.

Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. Those friends thou hast,

and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;

But do not dull thy palm with entertainment Of each new-hatch’d, unfledg’d comrade. Beware Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in, Bear’t that th’ opposed may beware of thee.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice; Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgement. Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy;

For the apparel oft proclaims the man; And they in France of the best rank and station Are of a most select and generous chief in that. Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;

For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

– William Shakespeare (Hamlet)  

 

 

Yikes, I actually cringe when I think of Hamlet. I really stuggled with the reading in high school. Sadly as much work as I did on reading the play I don’t recall a lot about it-retention-not my thing.

I just thought since I chose it for the title of my blog I’d finally write the reason why I chose it. To me that one particular line is about not fooling yourself (at the very minimum) about who you really are. I believe in just being yourself-let it all hang out-if somebody doesn’t like it they can walk as far as I am concerned. I honestly believe that people who try to fool others are transparent- most times we all can see right through them. So why not be true to yourself and everyone around you-why not reveal your true thoughts (of coarse there still are SOME things better left unsaid) and self?

Old Age January 7, 2008

I got this in my e-mail today thought it was pretty cool:

Old Age, I decided, is a   gift. 
 

I am now, probably for the first time in my    life, the person I have always wanted to be.  Oh, not my   body!  I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy   eyes, and the sagging butt.  And often I am taken aback by that old    person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter    belly.  As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less    critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. 

I don’t chide myself   for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying   that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be   extravagant.  
 

I    have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they    understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
 

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until   noon?    

 
I will dance with   myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70’s, and if I, at the    same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will   dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set .
They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.  But there again, some of life is just as   well forgotten. And I  eventually remember the important things. 

Sure, over the years my heart has been    broken.   How can your heart not break when you lose a loved   one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets    hit by a car?  But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.  A heart never broken is pristine and    sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to    have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my    face.  So many have never laughed, and so many have died before   their hair could turn silver.   

As you get   older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other    people think.  I don’t    question myself anymore.  I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.  

 So, to answer your question, I  like being old. It has set me free.     I like the person I have become.  I am not going to live forever,    but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could   have been, or worrying about what will be.  And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it) 

 

Even a bad day is better than no day at all November 28, 2007

My Aunt got us all to make a note about what we were thankful for this year and her son read them before we ate dinner. Some were funny, some sentimental…my uncle wrote something that struck me. He wrote,unfortunately I can’t recall his exact words, that he was thankful for each day on earth because even a bad day is better than no day at all. I thought wow that is so true. So as I was driving home from work the other morning at the crack of dawn not feeling very apreciative in general after working overnight I saw the most beautiful thing-the moon very large and bright shining in the hues of Autumn and a new day rising  - double wow! I tried to capture how gorgeous it was but really these pictures (my camera is on the fritz) do NOT do it justice:

 

 I thought of my uncle’s words as I admired this scenery. He is a wise man.

On a related note check out one of  my best friend’s posts: The Present she is trying to post a poem or quote each day and I am loving it!

Gone from my Sight October 26, 2007

Every so often I come across words written and or spoken that really affect me…this piece is one of them:

Gone From My Sight

   by Henry Van Dyke

                                                      

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone”Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
 hull and spar as she was when she let my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.Her diminished size is in me — not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

Prayer of St Francis September 1, 2007

This hymn has been on my mind this week for various reasons-it is my favorite hymn:

Make me a channel of your peace,

Where there is hatred let me bring your love,

Where there is injury your pardon Lord,

And where there’s doubt true faith in you.

Lord grant that I may never seek,

So much to be consoled as to console,

To be understood; as to understand,

To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace,

Where there is hatred let me bring your love,

Where there is injury your pardon Lord,

And where there’s doubt true faith in you.

When I looked it up I found one of the original versions of the actual prayer a very close but interesting (at least to me) comparison:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Sinaed O’Connor, who I used to listen to back in the day, made a really pretty version of the hymn. I used to listen to it any time I felt conflicted or unsettled about something. I find the words a source of comfort and a good source of simple philosophy. I had one of those weeks last week and even though I have no earthly idea where my old CD is, that song came into my head.